This Aint News

dear limpit and greta,

first and foremost, THANK YOU! i was having a shit day because i'm sick with a cold (wahhh) and had an assignment due today (boooo hoooo) and getting a notice that a package was waiting for me at the post office was absolutely delightful (yayyyyy!)

my daughter was very excited to make a trip to the post office and could hardly eat her dinner, she wanted to know what was in the package so badly.

second of all, JESUS CHRIST TAPE MUCH? i needed to summon my inner chuck norris just to get into the damn box! oh well. like a rapist, i tore and stabbed and wiggled and wrenched my way in, bit by bit.

at last i uncovered some improvised packaging materials, your lovely note, and... a walnut?

seriously what was with the single uncracked walnut? i am perplexed.

so perplexed, in fact, that it delayed my awe and joy at reading greta's REAL NAME. but then, i feel like it shone down from heaven, came through my living room window and smacked me in the face. what a lovely name you have! i shall, of course, keep this highly classified information to myself.

my daughter wanted to open the red bag first, so we tore into it and i was overjoyed to see an assortment of my favourite britland candy treats. seriously, jelly tots? creme eggs? buttons? fudge? you guys are too cool, i haven't had these in years. i'd never had a curly whirly before, but i'm now officially in love and my bf is pretty jealous of my newfound affection for chocolate-coated-braided-chewy-caramel. we tucked into the fudge right away as well, which was very tasty. thank you!

second we unwrapped the body and hand cream, very thoughtful! my daughter thought the body cream smelled good enough to eat and had to be stopped from actually eating it. living with a three year old is hilarious. i hope you two start the breeding process one of these days so you can fully understand just how funny kids are. i suspect with limpit as a dad, yours will be especially comical. hopelessly illiterate. but comical.

last but not least, actually the farthest thing from a "lesser" item, the rugby shirt was uncovered. as i'm canadian and not american, the size 2XL is not just big, not just giant, but actually unbelievably huge on me. it will make a splendid dress for formal occasions. maybe i'll wear it to a wedding this spring? decisions...

i will post pics a bit later of the actual enjoyment of your presents.

as i said, now that i have your address, you can expect something in return as well! i'll let you know when i send it.

again, thanks a bunch... and an additional "thank you" which actually sounds more like "fank you" from my daughter. you made our day. probably our week. possibly our month. you've set the TAN international gift exchange bar high. i can't wait to start doing some silly shopping for you!

love and cheers, jeux