More evidence of Dvast and Bebis ongoing relations. Dvast also stated in IRC that he had seen Bebis entire body so he knows those booby pics were fake. Bebi you bad bad girl you. The name of this poem is, "I am Super Gay."
Each day that goes by, I have realized, that trusting other people, is something to take half heartedly. One thing I learned being out here, and doing this stuff, and the stories about Opa.
It was clear what ran in the family. Pride. Pride to do the things in your life with a responsibility, to yourself, and to your family name. To do things the right way, and not take short cuts.
To uphold yourself to a standard, that hardly anyone does anymore. To be straight forward, clear cut, in your attitude towards work, and life.
Well pride, can also make you do things that you could justify easily.
Pride, what a waste. for me anyways, I've sat here every night, trying to justify, everything I do, or everything I say, always by the end of the night, I'm completely emotionally drained of my privacy filters. That everything I've ever wanted to say, comes out.
Strength, and fearlessness, are not words that would describe who I am.
Quite frankly, at this point, Unknown, is more like a word to describe who I am.
I know what my family is, I know what my dad is, I know what my Opa is. I know what my uncle's, and aunt's and mom are.
In the end of all that, knowing what everyone else, really doesnt help you define who you are.
I haven't a clue who I am, one minute I'm a total computer geek, next minute I'm a complete sports fanatic, next minute I'm a political analyzing thinking about problems in the middle east, next Im a song writer, or a poetic, thinking with my heart of every words that hits the screen or paper.
I don't know who I am, I am incomplete, empty inside, and lately, comtemplating suidcide. whoa the that rhymes, I guess Im a rapper today.
As I look at it all, and take a step back, trying to imagine this isn't me, but another person talking about their life. I come to realize that, I am not who I am, but I am who what everyone else needs me to be.
Like my friend Panik, he needs a *ix/ircd guy. So I was that for him,
Like my friend DATGUY, for years, I was a XDCC/rooter for him.
Like my friend nodnarb, he needed someone to listen, and give him another opinion. So I become a therapist.
Like my friend Eve, she needed someone to treat her not so bad anymore, someone other than her children to talk to, someone she could share her life with, through words, she needed someone to hold her up inside, so she could make it through the day, without smoking 9 lbs of weed. So, I became her support system.
Like my friend pharmie, she needed someone that would constantly flirt with her, and make her feel beautiful, So, I became mucho pig for her.
Like my friend Jessi, she needed someone that would treat her like no one else treated because of her bad last boyfriend.
Like my friend Jenn, she needed someone who was going to be a little more needy than usual, and would shower her constantly. Later on after me, she realized, thats what she wanted, and ended up with gerry.
Like my friend YoMama, he needed someone to teach him how to packet and setup operating systems, and ircds. So out came my admin hat.
Like my friend Bebi. She needed someone, who was romantic, someone who pushed her a little, to make her blush, to tell her beautiful things, to fight with her on politics, life, emotions, work, school, to defend her when needed, to open up to her when she wanted to be needed. To talk to her, instead of just commenting on body parts or beauty. To be spiritual with her. To acknowledge that her existence, means more than just anyone else, in someones life.
So, I became a best friend for her.
In the end, I am who you say I am, If I wasn't then why would I claim I am? On the blogs, in IRC, everyday I am.
I am what people need me to be.
because I don't know what I need myself to be.