Dumb shits keep sending me emails.
Lady driving along during dangerous conditions on the road with cruise control on because she believes it is safer. Lady aquaplanes and has accident. Policeman says: ‘if the cruise control is on and your car begins to hydroplane -- when your tyres lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed and you take off like an airplane’.
The policeman estimated her car was actually travelling through the air at
10 to 15 kms per hour faster than the speed set on the cruise control.
The policeman said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat
Now we all know that the average policeman doesn’t have 2 brain cells to put next to each other so it’s almost believable. I can even let: ‘accelerate at a higher rate of speed’ go. But who the fuck is stupid enough to switch on a device ensuring constant speed during uncertain and unpredictable road conditions? And can someone tell me where I can buy a car that doesn’t need traction to accelerate by 10 – 15 km’s in the space of a few meters, and ‘takes off like an airplane’ when told as well? Thanks doctor dipshit, get the fuck back to school and learn some physics. No actually, just put your gun to good use. The fact of the matter is (if it’s even true) this stupid bitch was just driving too fast in bad conditions.
‘The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the
policeman), was a man who had had a similar accident, totalled his car and
sustained severe injuries. If you send this to 15 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was all worth it You might have saved a life’.
(True story from Australian quarantine... (blah blah blah)
Guy imports cactus from Mexico. ...He finally got his cactus home. Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres. One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray. He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again.
He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state's foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions. How tall is it? Has it flowered? Etc.
Finally he asked the most disturbing question. "Is your family in the house?" The bloke answered yes. The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me; I will be there in 20 minutes.
Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner. A fireman got out and asked "Are you the bloke with the cactus?" I am, he said. A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down.
After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched. Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke's shoulder. "What the hell's going on?" he says. "Let me show you" says the cactus man. He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans.
The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size. When full size they release themselves. The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop. The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks.
Lets analyse this a second:
But off course I immediately had my suspicions that this was bullshit.
Ooh and the name of the spider also sounded quite fanciful so I did the logical thing and typed: tiger striped bird-eating tarantula into Google. My suspicions were confirmed in just one mouse click. Fancy that, it only takes 2 seconds to validate the information in an email. How can someone be so fucking stupid to ‘forward’ (read ‘recommend’) shit like this without thinking of what they are saying and researching information they forward? I’d like to send out the following quote to email forwarders: ‘Better to keep your mouth shut and have everyone think you’re an idiot, than to open it and prove it!’ If you wish to forward this kind of shit to me go stick your dick in the nearest power socket instead. Unfortunately, this isn’t possible for many of these people because they have BOOBS. This isn’t to say all women are stupid it’s just they seem to be the only ones to forward fucking stupid emails. Those girls represent a significant portion of the people I’m talking about because the stupid men keep to themselves.
Out of all morons on earth I don’t hate those morally reprehensible Nigerians trying to make a buck off some idiot. Anyone dumb enough to fall for it deserves to lose their money. I’ve even considered becoming a Nigerian citizen myself except for the threat of goal. Even people who have an IQ lower than 80 don’t annoy me: they know they are stupid and/or can’t use the internet anyway. What does piss me off is morons who are too stupid to know they are brainless; and, due to being oblivious to their own stupidity don’t question what they are told, or refer to someone with more intelligence than them. People who forward this shit are dumber than any ‘below 80 IQ’ person.
But by Jesus, the list of brainless idiots goes on far beyond email forwarders: Look at the Darwin awards, ‘Lady burns leg on hot coffee and sues McDonalds for millions’, similar lawsuits (such as the guy who left the wheel of his campervan to make a coffee at the back and was amazed he crashed-then sued the manufacturer… As a result of these tragedies society responds with litigation and increased laws and regulations to protect these morons. This has one result: To protect human beings and remove the need for humans to develop logic processes. Without danger there’s no need to consider the consequences of an action. This creates what I call a ‘padded cell society’ where people are protected from their own stupidity and aren’t required to develop an ability to think rationally. One universal law agreed with by practically everyone and that is: ‘survival of the fittest’—yet we think it doesn’t apply to the human race. By stopping a natural ‘gene pool cleansing’ we dig our own grave.
So Who’s to blame for creating this society and how do we reverse time? You tell me. I say bring on the Nigerians!