TAN called for more blogs, but i cant write for shit. so instead every month i will post the jokes ive been sent that month. this months will be a bit short because i deleted most before i decided to do this. thanks to goodluckbrianb for the jokes idea.
for those that are easily offended, FUCK O
Altzheimers protest march
"What do we want?""We dont know"
"When do we want it?"
A jellybaby walks into the doctors with liquorice stuck 2 his willy. Doctor asks, "what the hell have u been up to?" The jellybaby replies, "fucking allsorts!"
Call me an old cynic, but I don't believe in rushing into marriage. I mean take Jade Goody and this Jack fella... I'll give it a month.
Heard the latest about jade goody? She's making a film..... 1 wedding, 4 weeks and a funeral.
Week 1 in heaven, and already jade is already up for eviction.
Whats the difference between jack tweed and andrew strauss?
Jack tweed will be the only 1 with ashes on his mantle piece this summer!!
I'm no racist, but this really made me laugh, have you ever noticed that if u rearrange the word 'immigrants' & add a few more letters, it spells out... 'fuck off home, u hairy faced, sandal wearin, bomb makin, benefit grabbin, smelly rag-head cunts' ....how weird is that??
Delivery man breaks down on M4 so he flags down Paddy. He says to him, "I've got six monkeys in the back. I'll give you £100 if you'll take them to Bristol zoo for me."
Two hours later he sees Paddy drivin the opposite way, with the monkeys still in the back! He flags him down and shouts across, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?" Paddy says, "I did, but I had £30 left so I'm takin them to the pictures now."
My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes & a broken jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths wen she said she wanted decking on the patio.
I was depressed last nite so i called lifeline. Got a fuckin call centre in afghanistan. I told them i was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if i could drive a truck.
A very drunk paddy met a prostitute up a dark alley. He asks how much for full sex. '£20' she replies 'Ok.' says Paddy an they get down to business. Next min a cop appears and shines his torch in their faces, 'Wots goin on here?' he asks. 'Nothing Officer, I'm just having sex with my wife.' 'Sorry Sir,' apologises the cop, 'I didn't know it was your wife.' Paddy shouts, 'Neither did I till you shone ur fuckin torch in her face!'
Went to Asda last night as I parked up I noticed 2 teenagers wrestling with a pensioner trying to steal her purse. Being the type of person I am I rushed over to help. Was a bit of a struggle but we got it off the old fucker in the end!
Fairy Liquid's new advert set on a council estate in Birmingham…
"Mummy, why are your hands so soft"?" Because I'm only 12 now shut the fuck up and eat your pot noodle"!