Drama story ahead.
So a few years ago I happen to meet this girl right? We started talking and she seemed really interested in me. After I got to know her more I started liking her even more. We got to the point where we'd talk everyday and laugh a lot etc. After awhile this girl was displaying almost every single thing that I especially like in a woman. Beautiful, smart, knows how to laugh, knows how to show love, caring, everything.
There was only one problem. She was married
. Oh boy. That didn't matter to me though, I just kept telling myself "True love must be pursued at all costs". Same old story of boring husband who did nothing but play games and pay no attention to said wife. Wife even would show up naked infront of him offering him sex and he'd shrug it off (What a fucking nerd).
As time goes on, we have an affair. It was great. We actually loved eachother, spent time together and had some great memories. We explored eachothers fantasies, and could tell eachother anything. We were eachothers best friend, lover, soul mate, and partner. It was the kind of relationship where you could walk down the street with her and just be smiling inside the whole time.
After around a year, I suddenly ended it. Citing the reason that she was married, and that it was wrong. I never stopped loving her even until this day, and there is strong chances I'd go out with her again. The fact was she already cheated once on her husband before me. You also have to understand is she was never with any other guy before her husband. Anyways, so if she could cheat on her husband once before me, and then cheat on him 100 zillion times with me, chances are she'd do it again and again and again, even to me.
I couldn't go through the effort to marry her and set up a life only to be (almost guaranteed) burned in the end.
The time is 10:11am right now and the reason I decided to write this is because I can't seem to let her go, ever. I still get that wrenching butterfly feeling in my stomach whenever I picture her in my head, smiling and looking at me. And last night, nearly the whole night, I had a dream I went back to her house. Her husband was there and somehow he knew her and I had been with eachother once. She was in her bedroom asleep and I just wanted to talk to her. Her husband wouldn't let me. She eventually awoke but I (think) she was too afraid to come talk to me so she remained in her room. Eventually the dream went to where I was voluntarily being beaten to blood just to get her to come out.
Anyways, later in the dream I found out the husband was having an affair with some other girl. This dream (lasted for around 8 hours) had many parts to it all mainly focused around Her, and how I still loved her.
My final conclusion is that I can't do anything else anymore. I've "let her go" as many times as I can remember but why am I still having dreams about her on a semi regularly basis? Could this be my subconcious mind telling me something, or warning me?
Keep in mind that before I goto sleep I wasn't thinking about her or anything that has do to with her. I just "have" these dreams. I'd love for them to stop too because everytime I have them I wake up and am in this depressed/"woah" state of awe the entire morning.
What do you think? Do you think I should have just kept this blog to myself? I have a feeling nova will be the only one to contribute something useful to this blog.