more texts, and once again if youre easily offended or not english, fuck you!
2 return tickets to mexico for £100...that's nothing to sneeze at!
Bored on your way to work on the bus? Pretend you're on the phone and talk about your 4 week tour of Mexico. Hang up. Then sneeze.
Job Advertisment; Small Heath Area - Welders Required. Job Roles Include Welding Roof Back onto Open Top Buses. Apply Online at email@example.com
They say you can only get swine flu if youve been in contact with a infected pig recently................I bet Jack tweed is shitting himself.
Cops stop a paki in a transit van on motorway.Cop says, "You know the limit is 70?". Paki looks behind and says, "Hear that, 3 of you will have to get out!"
5 pakis have been killed in a car crash, police have described their condition as satisfactory!
Man gets up to find wife in the kitchen with one of his socks in the frying pan. What r u doing' he asks. Wife says 'im doing what you asked me to do last night when you came in drunk' Puzzled the man walks away thinking 'i dont remember asking her to cook my sock'
Just been sacked from my new job in wines & spirits section at Asda.
An asylum seeker came in & asked me to recommend a good port.
I said "Dover. Now fuck off!"
FACE - does their face droop to one side?
ARMS - does one arm fall when they raise both ?
SPEECH - is it slurred? If so.....
TIME - to get her knickers off, the rohypnol is working !
Young bloke pulls older woman @ night club.She's 61 but looks vry good 4 her age.On way back 2 her house the bloke is thinkin..'mmm I bet her daughter's hot'.Wen out of the blue she asks if he'd like a Sportsman's Double?"Wot's that?" he asks. "Its a Mother & daughter 3sum" she says. "WOW, YES PLEASE" So as they go in her front door,she puts hall light on & shouts...." Mum r u still awake?!"
Boy is walking along the street and a car pulls up. Man says to him:
"I'll give you £10 and a bag of sweets if you get in the car!"
"£50 and a bag of sweets?"
"Leave me alone!"
"£100 and a bag of sweets?!"
"Fuck off Dad! I'm not going to the blues with you!
Rolf Harris has done the art work for Jacko's gigs at the O2 Arena. As a 'thank you' Michael Jackson will be doing two little boys at the end of each show.
Amir Khan goes into an Irish bar and shouts:"I'm worth 9 million pounds and I only fuck white women" Paddy goes up to him, whispers in his ear and Khan knocks him out..The barman picks Paddy up, brings him round & says: "What the fuck did you say to him??" Paddy says:"If I had 9 million quid, I wouldn't fuck Paki's either!!"
Just went to the gym and there was this new machine , only used it for an hour as i started to feel sick,its wicked it does everything ....kit-kats, snickers, crisps .....
English family driving thru Dublin are lost. They stop Paddy and ask him which is the quickest way to the city centre? Paddy asks "are yer walkin or drivin?" englishman says "driving" Paddy says "yeah, that's the quickest way"
ManchesterCity have just sold Shaun Wright-Phillips to Madonna
Aston villa have denied rumours of there new sponsor but a spokesman for tampax has said they fit the bill perfectly a bunch of cunts going through a bad month
May the morris men of england fill your anglo saxon heart with joy. Happy St Georges day. This txt not available in punjabi, urdu, hindi polish, russian, german, french or any other fuckin immigrant tongue. God save the queen