Hey America, you're fucking fat. (Don't think I don't see you too Australia...)
What the fuck has gotten into us these days? Almost everywhere I go these days it seems I am constantly bombarded with some fat ass excusing himself so he can walk by without turning my foot into an x-ray waiting-to-happen. While standing in line for a movie ticket I was flattened like a pancake by a behemoth bitch of at least 400lbs! Sometime during my concussion and have the breath forced out of my lungs I thought to myself: “Why the hell are these people so fat?” After a short nap and a nose bleed I went off in search of answers! What I found shocked me and made me hungry at the same time.
At first I thought well it’s entirely the individual’s fault. What with the lack of proper diet and exercise its not hard to conclude that these fat fucks are driving themselves straight off sugar mountain on the Big Mac express. Clearly if they just got a membership to the gym and stopped force feeding themselves fried foods and hot pockets… well you’d surely see some success. Folks, it’s just not that easy. Granted the fault is probably 95% the fault of the lard bucket but there are other players in this game too. For example, in the UK-yes Europe has fat fucks too, you ostentatious pricks. If you claim to have a thyroid problem or slow metabolism the government actually PAYS YOU to sit on your ass and watch American television re-runs all day. Now since our government is mostly controlled by greedy corporations here in the states, our biggest problem relies on “big food”. Take this one on for size: Taco Bell, owned by Yum! Brands Inc. has recently gone on a huge campaign to promote fatassness and heart disease with a cleverly titled shenanigan known as “Fourth Meal”. Yeah, read those two words again… Fourth… Meal… Now you are starting to understand what’s wrong here. Americans are so fucking fat they now require FOUR FUCKING MEALS a day. The slogan “The meal between dinner & breakfast” just makes me want to go anorexic altogether.
It is well known fact that eating snacks after dinner time can lead to weight issues because when you sleep you do not burn off hardly any calories. Yum! Brands Inc, is actually promoting people to gain weight by offering them a scrumptious “fourth” meal right before their fat ass passes out on the couch in front of the TV. Now as if this weren’t enough the Taco Bell franchise actually puts out commercials that abase people who eat healthy!! They have unveiled a brand new product that the marketing room has deemed the “Un-Salad”. In the commercials some nigger and a white faggot are eating one of these “Un-salads” and talking about how stupid you are if you eat a salad for the lettuce. As one of the slogans goes “it’s the meat that makes the salad”. Then the stupid white guy goes poking around with his fork actually searching for lettuce in the salad. Of course he barely finds any and thinks it is totally tubular. Well my message is simple and clear. Stay away from places that are making money of turning you into a two-airplane ticket buying big mac slurping fat ass. Fucking get some god damn physical exercise in and learn to eat healthier. Also, in case you start to think you are becoming fat- just go bulimic.