Tuoni is like the shy conservative girl next door who has maintained her innocence well past puberty.
Veteran T.A.N. member, bisexual & cucumber enthusiast Tuoni has graced us for years not only with her beauty but also her extremely beautiful feminine penis. Her petite stature and girlish mannerisms has captivated the hearts of T.A.N. members for generations. Even the untamable beast known as Nova was defeated in sword duel just for the exclusive chance to sniff her farts after a night of heavy drinking that was finished off with a kebab combo. At the risk of my own life, hundreds of classified documents have been uncovered about Tuoni with the assistance of Alex Jones and his elite team at Infowars. The documents reveal Tuoni is a member of the extended family of the Queen of Norway but more importantly a direct descendant of swedish chef himself which explains her propensity for spaghetti suppers at least three days a week, sometimes four. The documents further explain Tuoni is able to prononce "My Little Pony" in several languages and owns several expensive Pony stuffed animals with a preference for Fluttershy. Documents also allege Tuoni may be the physical incarnation of the Norse goddess Freya, known for her exceptionally big titties.
In mid 2010 Tuoni & Jeff engaged in a relationship, but since Tuoni had strong conservative values Jeff soon became disillusioned because he couldn't get it in and broke it off shortly after qjohnson showed up naked to one of his parties high on pcp. Information beyond 2012 about Tuoni is hard to come by, as the patriot who was carrying the rest of the documents was slapped unconscious so badly by the enemy that his head had to be amputated and the documents were never seen again. The supplier of the documents was also murdered two weeks later when he was scheduled to meet and hand off the same documents inside a local McDonalds. Autopsy reports show he was poisoned with an unknown substance that killed him within two minutes. Police suspect the Hamburglar may have been involved, but the case remains unsolved and anyone with tips is encouraged to call 1-800-INFOWARS immediately with the reward of a lifetime supply of Super Male Vitality™ for successful leads.
Within the last five years Tuoni has contacted me several times via a private email server engaging in lengthy conversations that can only be described as an assured romantic interest. These advances have been rebuffed each time. The opposite was the case with Prime Minister of Canada Justin Trudeau however, who visited Tuoni in her ice palace in rural Denmark "Himmelske Palads Høj Kærlighed" (Heavenly Palace of Feminine Penis) at least four times, arriving alone via a dogsled per Canadian tradition. Filipino servants whom worked at the palace during this period later leaked Tuoni ended the affair after witnessing Trudeau's communist penis for the first time which in her view wasn't masculine enough.
Trudeau wasn't happy. It was enough for him to be publicly cucked at home in Canada, but it was another thing to be turned away by a pure womyn of virtue in a land championed by socialism. Privately, Trudeau vowed revenge. Publicly, he continued to post selfies to Instagram & Twitter as if nothing happened. During the traditional relationship which lasted over a year, Trudeau asked Tuoni for nudes to be sent at least twice a day. Being a strong independent womyn Tuoni refused to disgrace herself in such a manner but did send a total of one selfie which Trudeau later leaked through his Chief of Covert Intelligence David Icke:
The only pic of Tuoni known; Notice the feminine features and lack of moustache
In most G20 countries, insinuating Tuoni is male is punishable by being blacked up the ass and slapped around with a raw 110lb salmon wielded by mmateri. Kim Jong Un found out about this the hard way when he was touring Disneyland in 2013 and has been a broken man ever since, often listening to Simple Plan while crying. If you are ever fortunate enough to attract Tuoni, you must treat her with the respect royalty deserves and at the very least take her out to an expensive seafood dinner. Due to Tuoni's gift of physically remaining a 16 year old girl for her entire life, the one she selects to love (and eventually consume) will earn the title "Master of Lolis" and will personally be given a meritorious award by Jerry Epstein.
In conclusion, it is important to realize Tuoni may or may not be a replicant as foretold in the 1982 CIA psyop film Blade Runner.
Details are sketchy but if she is in fact a replicant, it is more than likely her robotic feminine penis is superior to a human feminine penis.